MaxoWaxo ⭐️
Our love is with you always
Peace and Beats
Mela and Luna
X

Hey my beautiful cuz geez I can’t even count the years u been gone but it still just feels like yesterday I love you miss you think about you daily

My son, you lost your battle to addiction on Overdose Awareness Day 08/31/2024. You had 111 days in recovery before this and you were moving forward and making incredible progress. Even passed your peer support certification test with an astonishing 50/50! You would have been such an inspiration to those struggling! You had such an incredible testimony. You were smiling, laughing, and so full of life. It was the best time I ever got to spend with you! I will cherish those 111 days for the rest of my life. I got to know my son, I got to spend time with you, we had deep conversations, we were thriving in our relationship! You were texting or calling me daily. I just can’t make sense of what happened that triggered you to go back to that life. You went back to the group home that you had been successful at and you text me telling me “I am embarrassed”. I tried to encourage you that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. You were only there 2 days and on 08/29/24 you left the group home. I continued to text you but you never responded. It was breaking my heart. I text you everyday asking if you were ok. But unfortunately you were not. On 09/03/24 I got a knock on the door from the detectives telling me they found you on 08/31/2024 already deceased. You had wandered into a parking garage up to the 4th floor on 08/30/24 at 9:39pm where you were seen fidgeting and moving around until about 2:00pm on 08/31/24 when you ceased moving altogether. You were found at 3:49pm. I had texted you that same day at 3:54pm telling you it was terribly hot and how worried I was for you asking you to please tell me you were ok. But you were already gone. I am left with all these questions son. Why did you go off to be alone? Did you do this intentionally? Did you really just give up and leave us all here? Was the pain that severe? I will never know the reasons you were all alone. You didn’t deserve to die in that manner. You were so loved and so cherished! I know you had suffered as a child and struggled with the trauma you had endured. I am so sorry that I couldn’t save you son. I never ever wanted this for you. I will struggle the rest of my life in pain over your passing. I will likely never be able to forgive myself either. I don’t know that I will ever accept this. The only thing I can accept is knowing you are no longer in pain, no longer suffering, no longer living with guilt and shame. Rest easy my Beavis. You will always live within your mama. Ride it like you stole it honey! You are forever free to go wherever your heart desires. Until we meet again baby! Please know you are forever in my heart.

Karli, I knew the moment that you didn’t contact me on Facebook like you said you would that you were gone. I didn’t know how I knew, I just did. I learned so much just from observing you. Despite the dire situation you were in, your upbeat attitude and positivity touched me in such a way that I adopted your attitude towards life.

Hector, you had so much going for you. I know it didn’t work out between us, but I wanted nothing but happiness for you. I still have your apache medicine bag hanging on my wall. I treasure it, as I treasure our brief relationship. You saw me sitting alone, looking sad. You SAW me. And I loved you for that. A part of me will always love you.

Dad I can’t explain how much I wish I could have gotten the chance to tell you that regardless of everything I would always be proud to be your oldest daughter and exactly how much I love you, I didn’t mean any of those hateful things I said to you the day you passed on, I wish I could have given you one more hug and told you that I love you so much. The pain I feel every day is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced, I would never ever wish that pain on even my worst enemy. There are days that I wake up and forget that you are no longer here and the temporary happiness I feel at that moment because I’m so excited to see and talk to you is very short lived and then it hits me like a mack truck going 100 mph without attempting to stop that I remember that you passed on and the last words I had said to you were evil and hateful, I know you forgive me for saying those things but it’s not the same as being able to tell you that I’m sorry… I sincerely hope that I never figure out exactly what happened the day you died because God forbid I don’t know how I would react, I hope that God would forgive me for doing what I felt I needed to do in order to finally move on from the pain of losing my dad. I know that technically your cause of death was ruled an overdose but I deep down know in my heart that you were used as a way to get to me and for that I’m making a promise that if I ever find out exactly what happened, I will make it my mission to make sure they don’t go unpunished in this life and the next. God please forgive me but I just can’t let this go, maybe hopefully someday I’ll be able to work through the grief but at this point I just can’t let it go.