Anonymous

To Jeff
I myself as a pain pill addict have lost you, one of my nearest and dearest friends on January 9th. I didn’t know how bad you actually were or I would have been at your house every day telling you how much I truly love you and told you to go back to meeting by my side. Jeff became addicted to crack again and was already hooked on pain pills. The combo killed him and I am so devastated. My own addiction has taken its selfish toll and I hadn’t spoken to Jeff in the 2 weeks before his demise. Guilt and shame are killing me internally. Like I maybe could have prevented this or something. People keep telling me otherwise; that he wouldn’t have listened. Jeff was the big brother from another mother that I wanted to strangle at times. I’m being facetious of course, but no matter what our differences he was there for me and vice versa. We both endured the same mental illness and understood each other’s pain. There was more to Jeff than his addictions. He was a grandfather, a father, a husband and my best friend. I resented him for introducing to me pain pills at a vulnerable time in my life, but now it is up to me to quit. Jeff expressed his sorrow and he is forgiven. I want you back my friend though I know you’re gone. You’ll never be forgotten. Your real friends want to help me through this most difficult time. We miss you and your tender side. I miss coming to you for advice and your male perspective on my relationship issues. I’m so lost and I know you truly loved me for me. I saw you through the end my friend. Going to your funeral was the hardest thing I ever had to do….the last goodbye. GOD HELP ME. There’s a huge hole in my heart though I know you found the peace you couldn’t find on this earth. I love and miss you Jeff. Your friends Will keep your legacy alive. Goodbye.