Anonymous

Dear Andrew,

Holding your memory closer than ever in my heart today, sweet nephew, remembering you on this day 22 years ago at your birth and all the remaining short days of your too brief life. What a very quiet baby you were, one who then became a softly whispering little boy who grew into a very kind and gentle young man with a shy smile and a huge heart.

You always seemed lost, buddy….as if you had somehow wandered into this world, unsure of just how you ended up here, bewildered as to what purpose had brought you here. At every moment, watching you, I could only hope that you would eventually settle into your own skin, find your stride, and blaze your own unique path to find that purpose. You were a bright spark, Andrew, the light by which you struggled to penetrate the darkness around you. I always felt certain that the power of that spark within you just needed time to grow.

I know that you never meant to leave us. I guess we’ll never know exactly what happened that last night of your life. I wish you had known that you could talk to me about your opiate addiction. Was it a beast that you thought you could control ? Did that monster turn on you…overpower you finally … make you forget how much you’d already fed to it…convince you that just a little more won’t do any harm ? Maybe you thought you would sleep the deepest sleep you’d ever had and wake the next morning ready to harness the beast again into submission. But you didn’t wake up.

I wonder if there was a moment when you and the beast realized that this time you both messed up. I hope at that moment that you knew just how richly and deeply and magnanimously you had been loved every day, every hour, every minute and second of your precious life. By your mom and your dad and your brother and your sister. Your Grandpa FA and your Mama Marge. Your friends. Dawn and me. I hope you knew, Andrew, I hope you knew.