Andy

Maggie I mourn you everyday and not a moment passes where I don’t think about you wish you were here.

I don’t know if it was an overdose- if it was a withdrawal. They said it was a seizure but I heavily doubt that.

Not a moment passes that I wish I can text you telling you about my failures, my success, the good news, and the bad. You were always there to hold my hand through the hard times. You literally held my hand when I felt like I was going to die- I hope someone was there to hold yours. I hope you weren’t alone when it happened. I’d have held your hand.

I wish I was there. I know we had our falling outs but if you had text or called I’d have been there in the blink of eye. Not a day passes where my heart doesn’t ache. Not a day passes that I don’t miss you. I’d give anything to have you in my kitchen again preparing us a meal like the old days sipping coffee or going on a drive and venting about life. I’d have held your hand and you’d have held mine. It was truly a beautiful platonic love.

I know you still watch over me- when the sun warms my skin. When good things happen. When the rain gently falls on me after hearing good news. I know you’re the angel who protects me and you always have been my protector. I wish I was there to protect you.

I do a lot of good in your name. On the day of your death I do a small community based project in your name then some self care. On your birthday I do some self care because it’s too cold to go out. I donate to the homeless like we use to.

You had so many skills and so much to offer the world but crippling anxiety and our severe lack of mental health services or more so- our barbaric mental health services failed you. You really spiraled when they took away your anxiety meds and I’ll never forget that. You tried to get help twice and you got locked up for it like a prisoner and received no help and I’ll never forget that or forgive it.

Waking up to that text was a nightmare I thought I’d wake up from. I didn’t want to believe it.

You looked hard and tough but you were truly a soft heart, an angel with the tattoos and I’ll forever cherish our times together. I grieve so heavily my best friend. You were right- there is no one out there like you. I miss you. I love you. Sincerely, a name and person you never met yet. A dead name you knew me by. Thank you for being here you amazing human being. The world didn’t love you enough. I always will and now I can’t tell you how much I did.